My name is Lucky Butts, and I am Lev's dog (or rather he is my person).
I am an eight-year-old Jack Russell Terrier, but more importantly, I am your last, great hope for our political future.
I am currently running as the Liberterrier candidate in the current elections. However, I am sure that you have not heard of me since the debate commisions and the mass media have all conspired to keep me from the public eye.
|In other words, the duck is right: |
The election is rigged, just not how he thinks.
So without further ado, I give you the top five reasons to vote for me in your local election:
5. I am also running for British Prime Minister
If you are like me, you are really tired of having to follow two separate elections each cycle. I understand a lot of you are from across the pond, and while it's true, that our two countries started off on the worng foot, we have come a long way since then. In fact, our national elections not only affect our own countries, but each others as well. We are often teamed up as if it were a special crossover issue of DC comics.
|Like that time Iron Lady and Gipper teamed up to defeat Gorbearchev|
4. I am perfectly able to listen to commands, yet still make up my own mind whether to bark at my enemies or not.
You don't have to worry about a leader who relies too much on their advisors and is incapable of making up their own mind (I have even heard some prefer to consult their kitchen storage if you can believe. Clearly deranged, but we elect them time after time!).
By the same token, you need not fear the politicain who is so self-involved that he listens only to himself without recourse to others.
As your commander-in-chief, I promise to listen to all my
3. I'm cute as a button and would make a fine image should we decide to update our currency.
|Need I say more?|
I still don't understand why grabbing cats is such a big deal, but apparently it is linked to frisky tomfoolery, so let me assure you that my people have made sure that that cannot be an issue once I am in office.
Although I still reserve the right to wrestle with the cat if he comes with us to DC. When we are in London, even that will not be a problem since the Brits have the good sense to ban foreign cats from entering their borders.
And the number one reason:
1. If you don't like my presidency, my four year term is only like seven months for you.
It's slightly longer for the UK, just over eight months, but regardless, you can both get somebody new before the year's out.
These are only the best five reasons to vote for me. The list is by no means comprehensive. There are plenty of other reasons to vote for me. For example:
- I have a good jobs plan: my six-walkies-a-day program will necessitate the hiring of record numbers of dogwalkers, for instance.
- I also want to hire more service dogs.
- I have no intention of cutting taxis. I think for-profit public trnasportation is hugely important, and our taxis are fine the size they are.
- I want to appoint justices who are friendly to all people, even canines (and even a few cats maybe).
- Finally, I support free obedience school for everyone.